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This period represents a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to talk about romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {