Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's prominent entertainers devoted the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas song targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils all he handles."

The subject was the new initiative which permits overseas nationals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of a million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. An official page promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note for you to rich immigrants: before you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.